if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
