I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
