This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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