I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
