when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
