He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize