if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
