id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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