Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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