You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize