can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
