When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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