My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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