I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
