OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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