I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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