It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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