i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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