you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
