what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
