you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
