I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
