You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
