Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
