today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize