Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
