If that was your dad, he is hot
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
