so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize