There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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