He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
