some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
where are my eyebrows?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
