Please, let me fuck your mom
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
