I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
