Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
