Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
