I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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