I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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