so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
