matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
