I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
