My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
