DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
