I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
