that's an acceptable place to lick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
