Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
