I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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