this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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