i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
