he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
