You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
