So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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