Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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