Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
