Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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