I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
