Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
