The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
