He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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