Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
