dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
