it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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