So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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