We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
