My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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