I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize